It has been brought to our attention that the way our govt

Yup, It's true, a million Vietnam Veterans can't be wrong!

For every politician that ever said a word!

Senator Kerry wants to cut defense dollars where he can because he believes in a lighter, more maneuverable force. The Navy is already getting prepared by naming a class of Aircraft Carriers after him. This is the prototype.

Consider this:

A. The number of American physicians is about 700,000.

B. Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year: approx. 120,000.

C. Therefore, according to the U.S. Dept of Health & Human Services statistics, accidental deaths per doctor ratio is 0.171%.

AND:

A. The number of firearm owners in America is about 80,000,000.

B. The number of accidental gun deaths per year is approx. 1,500.

C. Therefore, statistically, accidental per year gun death is 0.0000188%.

So, doctors are almost 9,100 times more dangerous than guns.

More facts: Not everyone in the U.S. has a gun, but almost everyone has at least one doctor. Be sure to alert all your friends to this alarming threat! We must, in the coming election, secure a place on the ballot indicating the need to ban all doctors before this gets totally out of hand.

As a public health measure, we've withheld the statistics concerning accidental deaths by attorneys, since the shock of this may cause persons to seek medical attention.

If Hooking up an Iraqi prisoner's scrotum to a car's battery cables will save one American GI's life, then I have just two things to say:

"Red is positive"

"Black is negative"

Before beginning,

insure that the skin of the individual is wet this insures good conductivity

How to resolve problems!

The Law Firm of

Dickup, Dunkum & Taxum

Subject: New Stamp
The US Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of Senator Hillary Clinton to honor her achievements as the First Lady of our nation. In daily use it was shown that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged Senator Clinton, who demanded a full investigation. After a month of testing, a special commission made the following findings: *The stamp was in perfect order. *There was nothing wrong with the applied adhesive. *People were just spitting on the wrong side.

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "hot damn... what a ride!"

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years, and Hell, we're not using it anymore."

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk, she has a "question and answer" period. A little boy raises his hand and the senator asks his name. "Kenneth." "And what is your question?" "I have three questions: First, whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second, why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? And third, whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?" Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the children that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were we? Who has a question?" A different little boy puts his hand up. Hillary points to him and asks him for his name. "Larry." "And what is your question?" "I have five questions: First, whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second, why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? Third, whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House? Fourth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth, what happened to Kenneth?"

What would you do? This test has one question, please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please read slowly and consider each line.
You're in Florida. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a photographer in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destroying power and is ripping everything away with it. Suddenly you see a woman in the water. She is fighting for her life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Suddenly you know who it is - it's Hillary Clinton! At the same time you notice that the raging waters and winds are about to take her away, forever. You have two options. You can save her or you can take the best photo of your life. You can save the life of Hillary Clinton, or shoot a Pulitzer Prize winning photo, a photo displaying the death of one of the world's most ambitious women. And here's the question (please give an honest answer)

Would you select color film, or go with the simplicity of classic black and white?

THE WHITE HOUSE, WASHINGTON D.C.
March 27, 2004
    Mr. John Hinckley
    St. Elizabeth's Hospital
    Washington, DC
Dear John:
    Laura and I hope that you are continuing your excellent progress in recovery from your mental problems. We were pleased to hear that you are now able to have unsupervised visits with your parents. The staff at the hospital reports that you are doing fine.
    I have decided to seek a second term in office as your president, and I would appreciate your support and the support of your fine parents. I would hope that if there is anything that you need at the hospital, you will let us know.
    By the way, were you aware that John Kerry is screwing Jody Foster?

Sincerely,
George W. Bush
President

Dumbest Guy On Earth... Read

     This picture is real - not doctored in any way - and was taken by a driver that delivers building materials for 84 Lumber. When he saw it in the parking lot of IHOP, he went to buy a camera to take pictures.
     The exhaust shows the car is still running. A woman is either asleep or otherwise out in the passenger seat. The driver went up to Rt. 925. (in the background) Witnesses said their physical/mental state was OTHER than normal. The police were called and as the driver was attempting to cut the twine around the load, luckily, the police stopped him and had the load removed.
    The wood was loaded at Home Depot. The store mgr said they made the driver sign a waiver. The plywood and 2X4s are fairly obvious, what you can't see in the back seat -- are you ready for this? 10 bags of concrete @ 80 lbs each. The estimated load weight was 3000 lbs. Both back tires exploded, the wheels bent and the back shocks were driven through the floorboard.   The car, with FLA (naturally) plates, was headed for Clanton, Al. where the couple had planned to build a new house in which to smoke their crack.

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