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|Yup, It's true, a million Vietnam
Veterans can't be wrong!
politician that ever said a word!
Senator Kerry wants to cut defense
dollars where he can because he believes in a lighter, more
maneuverable force. The Navy is already getting prepared by naming
a class of Aircraft Carriers after him. This is the
A. The number of American
physicians is about 700,000.
B. Accidental deaths caused by
physicians per year: approx. 120,000.
C. Therefore, according to the U.S.
Dept of Health & Human Services statistics, accidental deaths
per doctor ratio is 0.171%.
A. The number of firearm owners in
America is about 80,000,000.
B. The number of accidental gun
deaths per year is approx. 1,500.
C. Therefore, statistically,
accidental per year gun death is 0.0000188%.
So, doctors are almost 9,100 times
more dangerous than guns.
More facts: Not everyone in the
U.S. has a gun, but almost everyone has at least one doctor. Be
sure to alert all your friends to this alarming threat! We
must, in the coming election, secure a place on the ballot
indicating the need to ban all doctors before this gets totally
out of hand.
As a public health measure, we've
withheld the statistics concerning accidental deaths by
attorneys, since the shock of this may cause persons to seek
Hooking up an Iraqi prisoner's scrotum to a car's battery cables
will save one American GI's life, then I have just two things to
"Red is positive"
"Black is negative"
insure that the skin of the individual is wet this insures good
|How to resolve problems!
The Law Firm
Dickup, Dunkum & Taxum
Subject: New Stamp
The US Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of Senator
Hillary Clinton to honor her achievements as the First Lady of our
nation. In daily use it was shown that the stamp was not sticking
to envelopes. This enraged Senator Clinton, who demanded a full
investigation. After a month of testing, a special
commission made the following findings: *The stamp was in
perfect order. *There was nothing wrong with the applied
adhesive. *People were just spitting on the wrong side.
"Life's journey is not to arrive at the
grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, totally worn out, shouting "hot damn... what a ride!"
keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq.
Why don't we just give them ours?
It was written by a lot of really smart guys,
it's worked for over 200 years,
and Hell, we're not using it anymore."
Hillary Clinton goes to a primary
school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk,
she has a "question and answer" period. A little boy raises his
hand and the senator asks his name. "Kenneth." "And what
is your question?" "I have three questions:
First, whatever happened to your medical health care plan?
Second, why would you run for President after your husband shamed
the office? And third, whatever happened to all those things you
took when you left the White House?" Just then the bell
rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the children that they
will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says, "Okay
where were we? Who has a
question?" A different little boy puts his hand up. Hillary
points to him and asks him for his name. "Larry." "And what is
your question?" "I have five questions: First,
whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second,
why would you run for President after your husband shamed the
office? Third, whatever happened to all those things you
took when you left the White House? Fourth, why did the
recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth, what
happened to Kenneth?"
What would you do? This test has one question, please don't answer
it without giving it some serious thought. The test features an
unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to
make a decision one way or the other. Your answer needs to be
honest, yet spontaneous. Please read slowly and consider
You're in Florida.
There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane
and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you.
You are a photographer in the middle of this
great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. There are houses and
people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is
showing all its destroying power and is ripping everything away
with it. Suddenly you see a woman in the water. She is
fighting for her life, trying not to be taken away by the masses
of water and mud. You move closer. Suddenly you know who it is - it's Hillary
Clinton! At the same time you notice that the raging waters
and winds are
about to take her away, forever. You have two options. You
can save her or you can take the best photo of your life.
You can save the life of Hillary Clinton, or shoot
a Pulitzer Prize winning photo, a photo displaying the
death of one of the world's most ambitious women. And here's
the question (please give an honest answer)
Would you select color film, or go with the simplicity of
classic black and white?
THE WHITE HOUSE, WASHINGTON D.C.
March 27, 2004
Mr. John Hinckley
St. Elizabeth's Hospital
Laura and I hope that you are continuing your
excellent progress in recovery from your mental problems. We were
pleased to hear that you are now able to have unsupervised visits
with your parents. The staff at the hospital reports that you are
I have decided to seek a second term in office as
your president, and I would appreciate your support and the
support of your fine parents. I would hope that if there is
anything that you need at the hospital, you will let us know.
By the way, were you aware that John Kerry is
screwing Jody Foster?
George W. Bush
Dumbest Guy On Earth... Read
This picture is real - not doctored in any way -
and was taken by a driver that delivers building materials for 84
Lumber. When he saw it in the parking lot of IHOP, he went to
buy a camera to take pictures.
The exhaust shows the car is still running. A woman is
either asleep or otherwise out in the passenger seat. The driver
went up to Rt. 925. (in the background) Witnesses said their
physical/mental state was OTHER than normal. The police
were called and as the driver was attempting to cut the twine
around the load, luckily, the police stopped him and had the
The wood was loaded at Home Depot. The store mgr said they
made the driver sign a waiver. The plywood and 2X4s are fairly
obvious, what you can't see in the back seat -- are you ready
for this? 10 bags of concrete @ 80 lbs each. The estimated
load weight was 3000 lbs.
Both back tires exploded, the wheels bent and the back shocks
were driven through the floorboard. The car, with FLA
(naturally) plates, was headed for Clanton, Al. where the couple
had planned to build a new house in which to smoke their crack.